On the blog again...

Yep, that's right! I'm on the blog again! A big change is coming to my life. An exciting opportunity has dropped into my lap! A challenge has been issued and I am taking it head on. Full Speed Ahead!

I am making a commitment, right here, right now! I will blog everyday of my journey. Why will I blog, because, I want to SEE where I started and how I do along the way. Some days will be hard, some days I will be exhausted and may want to give up. My blog will be my outlet.

My friends and family are needed for support. I have my own ability to sabotage my efforts, I do not need help from outside forces, so hear me right now... if you don't want to see me succeed at this, then stop reading my blog RIGHT NOW -- I have my own evils that keep me from achieving my dreams and I definitely do not want any naysayers on my journey with me. So move along, there is nothing to see here!

This blog is for me to work out what I am going through each day. Words of encouragement along my journey are much appreciated. Stories that could be motivational, MORE than appreciated! PRAYERS are coveted!

My absolutely gorgeous, beyond amazing, hunky, delicious, fantastic, precious, inspiring Mr. Perfect made a statement that I need to be reminded of throughout this journey. I was telling him how nervous I am, and how I fail so miserably so easily all the time... and he said, "Give it to God, let GOD succeed -- it isn't all about you, but about what God can do in and through you." WOW!!! Who is that man I married?!?! To think, when we met, he wasn't even a Christian, didn't really know much about the church or the body of Christ -- and now HE is reminding me that GOD has the power to perform miracles and the power to help me achieve my goals. His words were and are extremely encouraging. I know he will be praying for me everyday on my journey. I am eternally grateful for a husband who is filled with the Holy Spirit and isn't afraid to use the power that God has bestowed in all of us! Thank you, GOD, for Mr. Perfect in my life. I am so glad you hand picked him for me!

OK, so today is Day 1... even though the actual hard part of the journey doesn't start until Feb. 28. Day 1 = getting mentally prepared for the journey ahead. Getting my head in the game. Getting my heart in the game. Talking myself OUT of self sabotage. Moving myself forward into a new phase.

A quick review of the past 10.5 years:

• July 1, 2000 Married Mr. Perfect
• May 1, 2001 Last BCP ever
• July 1, 2001 Discovered we were preggo!
• August, 2001 DNC to remove fetal tissue from miscarriage
• October 2002 Round 1 of Clomid
• November 2002 Round 2 of Clomid
• December 8, 2002 Discovered we were preggo!
• August 15, 2003 Induction
• August 16, 2003 Induction continued
• August 17, 2003 Induction day 3, 10:42 p.m. Baby Girl #1 born by c/section
• January 31, 2004 Discovered we were preggo!
• February 14, 2004 Miscarriage on Valentine's Day
• January 2005 Discovered we were preggo!
• March 2005, Discovered baby had no heartbeat
• June 2005, Discovered we were preggo!
• June 2005, lost the baby just as soon as we discovered
• July 2005, began water aerobics
• September 2005, began working out in earnest and doing Weight Watchers
• October 2005, 30th birthday! Told Mr. Perfect I was happy with my life and meant it.
• November 2005 had lost 29 lbs.
• November 2005, Thanksgiving Day, discovered at the gym that I was PREGGO!
• July 14, 2006 Baby Boy born by c/section
• April 2007 Discovered I was preggo!
• December 13, 2007 Baby Girl #2 was born!
• February 2009 Car was rearended, discovered I was preggo!
• March 2009 Walked in the 10K, started spotting
• April 10, 2009 discovered baby had no heartbeat, decided to allow my body to naturally cleanse
• May 2009 experienced the worst miscarriage of all of my losses, 3 hour pain intensive labor
• May 2009 begged Mr. Perfect to NEVER get me pregnant again
• July 6, 2009 discovered I was preggo!
• September 2009 could not find the baby's heartbeat, emergency ultrasound, baby was FINE!
• November 2009 high level ultrasound to view baby's heart -- everything was fine
• March 9, 2010 Baby Girl #3 born a week earlier than scheduled, healthy and amazing!
• May 10, 2010 Baby girl #3 to ER for croup in the middle of the night
• May 12, 2010 Baby girl #3 referred to a cardiologist for possible VSD (congenital heart defect)
• May 19, 2010 Baby girl #3 cardiologist confirmed 2 heart defects (VSD/PDA)
• May 19, 2010 Decided to start a chapter in Virginia of The Children's Heart Foundation
• June 17, 2010 CHFVA held its first meeting
• September 2010 second meeting w/ cardiologist, seems defects are trying to self correct
• October 18, 2010 CHFVA held its first Golf Tournament in memory of Allison Jacobs
• February 18, 2010 Offered a life changing experience and accepted it
• February 20, 2010 Started blogging again...

As you can see, a lot of my past 10 years has revolved around pregnancy and losses and some scary moments with child #4. Being a mom is the most rewarding and wonderful job in the world, and the job I wanted most in the world. I wouldn't have gone through 5 losses if I didn't seriously want to be a mother. However, in becoming a mother, I've lost sight of ME... and that is not good for any of us in my family. I have forgotten to take care of myself. And in not taking care of me, others in my family have suffered. It is time to get ME back. It is time to take care of ME so I can better take care of these little people I helped bring into this world. It is time to take care of ME so I can be the wife Mr. Perfect deserves! It is time to take care of ME so I feel better about myself, so I like myself again and so I can relieve some self inflicted pressure off my life.

Since having child #2 I've neglected several areas in my life. It is easy to make excuses for why I have ignored these areas, but truth be told, I long to focus on these areas again. Yes, the excuses will still be there, and I'm sure I will try and pull them out ... but I have to remember that first and foremost I am doing this journey for MYSELF so that I can be a better wife, mother, friend and leader. With Mr. Perfect and Four children -- there are NO excuses that are acceptable for ignoring what I need to do in my life... do I want to continue to be here and be mother to my children and wife to my husband? If so, then I need to start this journey and stick with it! We are never guaranteed tomorrow, but with the way I have been living, I've been pushing the limits of tomorrow for a long time, giving up a chance at tomorrow for stupid excuses. No more excuses will hold me back. It's time for me to get my . . .

Stay tuned!